Derek's expression is open and warm and kind and there's a part of me that wants to just let myself crumple. Except I know it wouldn't be fair. I may be missing my family and I might be feeling like an unloveable failure, but I know none of that is comparable to the pain Derek carries every single day. At least I still have a family even if I might never see them again, and at least my boyfriend didn't disappear.

At least I haven't had to endure half a dozen miserable Christmases, reliving the horrible, traumatizing day over and over again.

So I'm quietly relieved when he doesn't push and I let the forced smile slip away before nodding at the box. "Either one," I tell him and then spring to my feet as the oven buzzes. "Go on, I just gotta get this out of the oven real quick."