"Yeah. I don't have much experience," Derek replies, huffing out a dark laugh. That's kind of an understatement. "It's a bit easier to not think about shit when I'm in that form," Derek explains, because Dean might find it interesting, or they're bonded in heartache or something. It's easier to talk to Dean about stuff like this. "Everything is kind of boiled down to one base emotion. Sad, angry, happy."

He looks over his shoulder to follow Dean's gaze, huffing out a sigh at all the lights. He can still hear the music in the distance, tinny and faint.

"Used to." He looks down to watch his toes curl in the grass, shoulders slumped. "When I had a family to spend it with. It's uh, the first one without my big sister. She always tried to make it a good day, even though everyone was gone."

He swallows hard, and doesn't quite meet Dean's eyes, feeling vulnerable. But from the few things Dean has said about his brother, Derek gets the feeling he'll understand how much the loss of a sibling can mess you up.