There's a sick, terrible part of me that's glad to see that flicker of concern on Derek's face. It makes me feel protected. Cared for. Like, even if Derek doesn't want me the way I want him, I still matter. In some way.

"I know what I'm getting into," I assure him, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "It's just. It's nice to know someone might want me, you know? Like there's a little bit of hope there."

And Simon is really nice. I thin, even if it turns out he doesn't like guys or even just doesn't like me, he'll be kind about letting me down. Maybe that's a stupid, naive notion all by itself, but I feel like it's something I need right now. Just a tiny bit of hope that someone may even hypothetically find me worth dating.