triskehale | (no subject)

Saffron has never, barring some sort of citywide catastrophe, not shown up for work without letting Derek know that she would be out.

The truck is on the nighttime schedule and once it's half an hour past their normal meet up time at the commissary, Derek really starts to worry. The sinking feeling in his stomach only grows stronger when he picks up his phone. He's terrified as he pulls up his favorites menu, fingers trembling as he taps Saffron's name.

We're sorry, but the number you've dialed is no longer in service.

Derek's eyes fall shut as his phone clatters down onto the steel prep table, and he staggers backwards to lean against the counter. He presses his palms into his eyes and lets out a growl, teeth clenched as he struggles not to lose it. He just can't believe that this is happening again.

Or maybe he can, and somehow that's even worse.

Saffron was his constant. She's been with him since he first got to the city, and he can't even imagine it without her. She's taken care of him, looked out for him, and helped him grow and now she's just-- gone.

It's horrible that Derek has a routine for this, but he does. He leaves the commissary and heads for the woods, stripping out of his clothes once he's made it into the trees. His eyes sting and there's a lump in his throat, and he combats it by shifting. It doesn't lessen the pain, being in this form, but it focuses it into one primal emotion instead of a swirling mix of questions and feelings and fears.

In this form, there is only grief. Another member of his pack is gone. Derek tips his head back and lets out a long, mournful howl into the night sky.

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Another howl comes, worse than the first, and Barry crashes forward through the branches, all thought of avoiding them lost to the simple need of getting to Derek. "What happened?" he asks when he enters the clearing. Derek's in his wolf form and can't answer him, but Barry speeds to his side, dropped onto his knees to run his hands over Derek.

"Did something hurt you? The truck is still at the commissary and I don't know why, what's happening?" Barry looks up, lightning a crackle in his eyes. If somebody hurt Derek, he's going to throw them into the speed force so hard they disintegrate.

Derek's ears perk up in slight surprise as Barry comes barreling through the shrubbery, but he can't deny that seeing him is a relief. He's at Derek's side in a fraction of a second, and Derek feels vaguely guilty as Barry checks him over for injures. He didn't mean to make him worry.

And he is worried, that much is obvious. There are red sparks in his eyes and Derek takes a breath, forcing himself to sit up and shift back into human form. The expression on his face must show how broken up he is, and he swallows against the lump in his throat.

"She's gone," he says roughly, falling into Barry's arms and burying his face in the soft, comforting curve of Barry's neck. "Helen-- she's gone."

It ought to be surreal. He's sitting on the forest floor with an armful of heartbroken werewolf, but all Barry feels is pain, his own heart squeezing tight enough that a sound escapes him when Derek tips forward into his arms.

"Gone," he says, stroking his hands down Derek's back, "Like Oliver and Felicity?" It's awful, and terrifying, and Barry tightens his arms. "Are you sure?" he asks. "I could search every inch of the city in less than an hour."

"Her phone's disconnected. They always--" He swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut, doing his best to focus on the way Barry's arms feel around him, comforting and real. "I went by on the way here and I couldn't hear her heart. Her scent was stale."

He appreciates Barry's offer to search, but Derek can feel that she's gone. All morning, he felt off-kilter and he didn't know why. He didn't pay attention to it until he had to. It's different with humans, but an alpha feels it all the same. "She was pack. It hurts, Barry. It hurts so bad when they're ripped away."

Derek still remembers how it felt when his family died, how he and Laura just knew they were dying before they even got close enough to see the flames. It was like being ran through with a knife, over and over until they were all gone.

"Derek," Barry breathes, his throat thick when Derek puts it in those terms. Even if he hadn't, Barry can hear the agony in his voice. Derek had been upset when Oliver left, but this is something else, something even deeper, and Barry feels like his own heart is breaking.

"I'm so sorry," he says, holding him tightly, pushing one hand over Derek's heart as if he could hold it together himself. "I'm so sorry, what can I do?"

"I just don't want you to leave," Derek chokes out, and immediately feels guilty for it. He just can't imagine living through losing Barry, and it's what he's been afraid of from the moment they started dating.

He lets out a shuddering breath and puts his hand over Barry's, cheek pressed to Barry's chest. The warm silver shape of the triskelion charm presses into his skin. "I'm sorry-- I shouldn't have said that. You don't have any control over it. No one does. That's the shittiest part."

Barry's arms around him calm him, even if he is scared of losing him. Even if he does, especially if he does, Derek has to take advantage of every single second. "Every single time I get comfortable here, when I'm finally-- happy, I lose someone and I'm reminded that's-- that's just what happens to me. I lose everyone."

Barry can't even argue with him. Derek's lost so much, and so has Barry, and it seems that everyone in Darrow is doomed to share their fate if they have no control over who stays and who goes. It's terrifying to contemplate, that he might wake up one day and Derek simply won't be there anymore. Barry closes his eyes and tries not to think of it, at least not now when neither of them can do anything about it.

"Let me run us to the cabin," he says. "I'll make you food, I'll - I'll take care of you."

A small, stubborn alpha part of him wants to buck back and say that he doesn't need anyone to take care of him, but that isn't true at all. Derek wants to be taken care of. He's wanted it since he lost his sister, the last caring presence in his life. When Barry offers to take care of him, Derek blinks and lets out a small whine for just how much he wants that.

"Yeah, okay," Derek responds, taking a breath and sitting up. He's still very naked, and he furrows his brow a bit as he looks around and tries to remember where he left his clothes. His own scent is carried over by a breeze, and he forces himself to stand as he looks at Barry sheepishly. "Can we detour that way so I can grab my clothes?"