triskehale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
triskehale) wrote2013-12-04 09:12 pm
triskehale) wrote2013-12-04 09:12 pm
if only in my dreams
It seems like before Derek can even blink, it's December.
He stops paying attention for a minute and there are Christmas lights up everywhere, more hustle and bustle in the streets and canned holiday music pumping out from seemingly every single speaker in the city. Derek's in a decent mood, despite all this. Things with Stiles are moving forward in ways he never imagined. Stiles has feelings for him. Real, actual feelings similar to those Derek has for him, if maybe not as strong in intensity. It's enough to keep Derek buoyant and light on his feet, able to ignore most everything else.
They need some groceries, so Derek heads into the grocery store and grabs a basket. He gets sort of lost in his own head and slips into auto-pilot, grabbing things from the shelves. He comes back to awareness in the seasonal aisle and blinks down at the bag of candy cane Hershey's kisses in his hand. They were Laura's favorite Christmas candy. Derek hated the smell and the taste and she'd eat them all day, crumpling up the wrappers and throwing them with perfect precision at Derek's head.
Laura always handled Christmas. She made sure Derek never got too lost in memories or pain, made sure to keep his spirits bright, as the song goes. He swallows hard and looks from the candy, down to the basket where many of their holiday staples are currently residing.
He'd been shopping for his sister, like he hadn't remembered that she was gone. For one lingering moment, she was alive again, and Derek was looking forward to another year of her being a pain in the ass.
But no, she's dead. She's dead and buried in pieces in a place he can't even get to anymore, and she won't be here for Christmas. She won't be anywhere with Derek ever again.
The basket in his hand rattles noisily and that's when he realizes how badly he's shaking. He calmly sets the basket on the floor and walks out of the store. The holidays snuck up on him and he's just now realizing that this is the first Christmas where he has no family left. They're all dead, except for Peter who is pretty much dead to him anyway.
Derek doesn't stop walking until he's at the edge of the forest just past the park, and he starts taking clothes off as he heads into it. It's cool outside, the last sunny day before an oncoming storm that Derek can smell on the air. But it doesn't matter. He can't feel the cold. The world tilts for a second and then he's shifted, shaking out his thick black fur.
It's easier to deal with things like this when he's shifted, running as hard as he can on four paws. He runs until he's panting and lets out a long, mournful howl when he just can't keep it all inside anymore.
It's still daylight by the time he comes back to himself, but there isn't much of it left. He stops about a dozen feet from the treeline, still shifted, and looks out at the park as he drops to the forest floor with a whuff. His ears are back and his tail is curled around himself, and he looks every bit like a sulking puppy. He doesn't even care. There's not much here cares about at all right now.
Loneliness hasn't consumed him like this for awhile, and he misses his big sister like a severed limb. He lays there, whimpering softly, and tucks his nose under his paws to block out the world.
He stops paying attention for a minute and there are Christmas lights up everywhere, more hustle and bustle in the streets and canned holiday music pumping out from seemingly every single speaker in the city. Derek's in a decent mood, despite all this. Things with Stiles are moving forward in ways he never imagined. Stiles has feelings for him. Real, actual feelings similar to those Derek has for him, if maybe not as strong in intensity. It's enough to keep Derek buoyant and light on his feet, able to ignore most everything else.
They need some groceries, so Derek heads into the grocery store and grabs a basket. He gets sort of lost in his own head and slips into auto-pilot, grabbing things from the shelves. He comes back to awareness in the seasonal aisle and blinks down at the bag of candy cane Hershey's kisses in his hand. They were Laura's favorite Christmas candy. Derek hated the smell and the taste and she'd eat them all day, crumpling up the wrappers and throwing them with perfect precision at Derek's head.
Laura always handled Christmas. She made sure Derek never got too lost in memories or pain, made sure to keep his spirits bright, as the song goes. He swallows hard and looks from the candy, down to the basket where many of their holiday staples are currently residing.
He'd been shopping for his sister, like he hadn't remembered that she was gone. For one lingering moment, she was alive again, and Derek was looking forward to another year of her being a pain in the ass.
But no, she's dead. She's dead and buried in pieces in a place he can't even get to anymore, and she won't be here for Christmas. She won't be anywhere with Derek ever again.
The basket in his hand rattles noisily and that's when he realizes how badly he's shaking. He calmly sets the basket on the floor and walks out of the store. The holidays snuck up on him and he's just now realizing that this is the first Christmas where he has no family left. They're all dead, except for Peter who is pretty much dead to him anyway.
Derek doesn't stop walking until he's at the edge of the forest just past the park, and he starts taking clothes off as he heads into it. It's cool outside, the last sunny day before an oncoming storm that Derek can smell on the air. But it doesn't matter. He can't feel the cold. The world tilts for a second and then he's shifted, shaking out his thick black fur.
It's easier to deal with things like this when he's shifted, running as hard as he can on four paws. He runs until he's panting and lets out a long, mournful howl when he just can't keep it all inside anymore.
It's still daylight by the time he comes back to himself, but there isn't much of it left. He stops about a dozen feet from the treeline, still shifted, and looks out at the park as he drops to the forest floor with a whuff. His ears are back and his tail is curled around himself, and he looks every bit like a sulking puppy. He doesn't even care. There's not much here cares about at all right now.
Loneliness hasn't consumed him like this for awhile, and he misses his big sister like a severed limb. He lays there, whimpering softly, and tucks his nose under his paws to block out the world.
no subject
"I don't know what you want," he states, unsure what to do with a depressed wolf. "I require some level of guidance."
no subject
"Was just trying to get out of my head for awhile," Derek explains, looking him up and down curiously. "What's up with you? I can practically see the power rolling off of you."
no subject
"Why are you hiding in the forest? You are sulking, I think," he states with a confident nod, quite confident he's gotten at least that one right.
no subject
He huffs out a bit a laughter at Castiel's expression. The guy is so odd sometimes. "Not hiding, but I'll give you sulking. I guess I was."
no subject
"Any particular reason? You can discuss your feelings with me, if you would like. We are friends, I think, and that is sometimes what they do. Though some more than others."
no subject
"It's my first Christmas without my big sister," Derek finally says, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "I was at the store and started grabbing things she liked without realizing it, and it sort of hit me all at once. I literally have no family left."
It sounds a bit pathetic coming out of his mouth, all quiet and sad, but it's the truth. "It kind of overwhelmed me, so I came out here."
no subject
He thinks not.
"The Christmas holiday has become more related to family than any actual religious meaning and even I find myself thinking about my brothers more at this time. I have had to make a family of my own out of my friends. I expect you can do the same, although it does not replace her."
no subject
Derek pulls on his shirt and smiles a little to himself. "Yeah, I tried back home, but it never really worked. Here I have Stiles, and it helps. I have friends. I'm not unhappy here, for the most part. I know Stiles would leave in an instant if he could, and I wish I could give that to him. But for now, it's good to have him here."