voicemail post

[triskehale]

Hang up and text me.

Comments

[myonlydefense]

BOTH of them?? Wait, is that innuendo or literal disguised as innuendo? Oh my god will you just read the other texts please, I'm trying to provide for us.

[triskehale]

More than one way to work your meat.

[myonlydefense]

you
aren't
helping

[triskehale]

I like it when you get all fussy. Really gets my meat going.

[myonlydefense]

I'm not making you any cookies. All the cookies are for me.

[triskehale]

I like snickerdoodles and if I have to eat oatmeal, it needs to be apple cinnamon.

[myonlydefense]

I'm making us snickerdoodles, just because I want to hear you say snickerdoodle. Stop playing with your meat, you'll get hairy palms.

[triskehale]

I'm hairy in a lot of places. What's one more?

[myonlydefense]

Texting and meat handling, that's not even a little sanitary, alpha.

Gonna make our places smell like cim-a-ninny goodness. You ain't ready.

[triskehale]

Gotta do what you gotta do sometimes, pup.

[myonlydefense]

It's been like an hour, I'm hoping you're done. Do you need anything while I'm out?

[triskehale]

Tissues and hand lotion?

[myonlydefense]

I'm already stocked, you get your own.

I'm going to assume this means you don't need anything else and come back to the apartments.

[triskehale]

I'll just go to your place and use yours. Your bed's comfy, right?

[myonlydefense]

Yeah, because I broke in the spot where I sleep. You'd better not fuck that up.

And I'm going to go nest in your blankets and eat in your bed so I hope that you're prepared for that tradeoff. Jerk.

[triskehale]

Sounds fair.

I have to buy your cereal while you're spending money on fancy hand cream to jerk off with??

In other news, your bed is quite nice.

[myonlydefense]

I use it on my hands too, ASS. And I bought it before I realized this was a permanent thing. And I bought us food.

AND YOU ARE NOT IN MY BED

[triskehale]

Uh huh, sure.

Okay, I'm not. That's how I have no idea that you keep your jerk off cream under your pillow on the right side.

[myonlydefense]

Have fun with the fruits of my labor, asshole. Haven't you jerked off enough today?

[triskehale]

You'd think.