triskehale (
triskehale) wrote2015-06-29 02:00 pm
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for kate
"Look, I know you're mad that I haven't been home much," Derek says, sputtering a bit when he gets whacked in the face with a bunch of fur. "But this isn't helping anything."
Jinx settles herself more firmly on her perch on Derek's shoulder by digging her claws into his skin, and he winces slightly. Derek has been incredibly busy lately, what with the truck and getting Semele's ready, along with out running around the streets at night in case anyone needs help. It leaves him tired, and also leaves him with a very clingy cat. She meows and butts her head against Derek's temple, wrapping her fluffy tail around the back of his neck as she sits on his shoulder. "Are you a cat or a parrot?"
Jinx meows and looks down at the stove, sniffing and pawing at Derek's face. "Yeah, you'd think you'd get some of my bacon, but you'd be wrong." She lets out a low reow and headbutts him again. "Okay, you'll probably get some of my bacon."
The puff starts chirping and bouncing in its cage, and Derek rolls his eyes. "Fine, everyone gets bacon."
While the bacon cooks, Derek goes over to undo the latch on the puff's cage. He lifts it out and sets in on the floor, growling in warning when Jinx goes tense and sticks her tail straight out. "Remember what I said? We don't kill pack members."
She lets out a little mewl and Derek rolls his eyes, but she doesn't abandon her post on his shoulder, swaying easily when he moves. Derek would deny how many one-sided conversations he has with his pets until his dying day, but the truth is that they help. For all he likes the cabin being so secluded, it's incredibly lonely. Derek has friends, but he's lacking in true companionship. In pack. Jinx helps with that. She keeps him company and cheers him up, and he can always get a read on her moods. He's glad that she chose him that day, and he turns his head to give her a nuzzle before transferring the bacon to a paper towel and turning off the stove.
Just as he's getting ready to assemble his lunch, he stiffens because he hears someone approaching the cabin. They're still a little ways off, but they aren't trying to keep their arrival a secret. Derek frowns, because he doesn't often get visitors, and then he wipes his hands on a rag before going to open the door with Jinx still on his shoulder. She's as fearless as ever, and part of that is because she knows that she's under Derek's protection.
"Kate," Derek says in vague surprise, cocking his head as she comes up onto the porch. Jinx flicks her tail irritably and wraps it more solidly around Derek's neck, regarding Kate with cool golden eyes. "You're just in time for lunch. Come on in."
Jinx settles herself more firmly on her perch on Derek's shoulder by digging her claws into his skin, and he winces slightly. Derek has been incredibly busy lately, what with the truck and getting Semele's ready, along with out running around the streets at night in case anyone needs help. It leaves him tired, and also leaves him with a very clingy cat. She meows and butts her head against Derek's temple, wrapping her fluffy tail around the back of his neck as she sits on his shoulder. "Are you a cat or a parrot?"
Jinx meows and looks down at the stove, sniffing and pawing at Derek's face. "Yeah, you'd think you'd get some of my bacon, but you'd be wrong." She lets out a low reow and headbutts him again. "Okay, you'll probably get some of my bacon."
The puff starts chirping and bouncing in its cage, and Derek rolls his eyes. "Fine, everyone gets bacon."
While the bacon cooks, Derek goes over to undo the latch on the puff's cage. He lifts it out and sets in on the floor, growling in warning when Jinx goes tense and sticks her tail straight out. "Remember what I said? We don't kill pack members."
She lets out a little mewl and Derek rolls his eyes, but she doesn't abandon her post on his shoulder, swaying easily when he moves. Derek would deny how many one-sided conversations he has with his pets until his dying day, but the truth is that they help. For all he likes the cabin being so secluded, it's incredibly lonely. Derek has friends, but he's lacking in true companionship. In pack. Jinx helps with that. She keeps him company and cheers him up, and he can always get a read on her moods. He's glad that she chose him that day, and he turns his head to give her a nuzzle before transferring the bacon to a paper towel and turning off the stove.
Just as he's getting ready to assemble his lunch, he stiffens because he hears someone approaching the cabin. They're still a little ways off, but they aren't trying to keep their arrival a secret. Derek frowns, because he doesn't often get visitors, and then he wipes his hands on a rag before going to open the door with Jinx still on his shoulder. She's as fearless as ever, and part of that is because she knows that she's under Derek's protection.
"Kate," Derek says in vague surprise, cocking his head as she comes up onto the porch. Jinx flicks her tail irritably and wraps it more solidly around Derek's neck, regarding Kate with cool golden eyes. "You're just in time for lunch. Come on in."
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Maybe he hasn't even been looking forward to it, maybe it's not a big deal at all.
But she knows she needs to tell him anyway. Either way, it was her idea and now she's got to deal with the rest of it. Even if she really, really doesn't want to. She likes putting things together and then letting people deal with the rest of it, but she can't do that now. She owes him, he's her friend.
"Cool," she says when he lets her in the house. The cat sitting on his shoulder gives her a look and she wrinkles her nose in return, staring at it. Cats are fucking weird, she's never really liked them, and clearly this one doesn't like her either. Which is fine by her. "What's for lunch?"
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"Turkey clubs," Derek replies, looking over his shoulder at her with a smirk. "I assume you want one."
He turns back to the stove and puts together two sandwiches, piled high with meat, bacon, and avocado, and then puts them on a plate. He tears up a piece of bacon and puts it in Jinx's bowl, smiling as she delicately hops onto the floor and meanders over like she doesn't quite care when she gets there. He pops a piece of bacon into his mouth and then gives a piece to the puff. It has a tiny mouth, but it seems to manage. The puff takes the bacon with a chittering sound and rolls away, leaving Derek and Kate on their own as he hands her a plate.
"Here you go," he says easily, looking at her closely. "Is everything okay? You smell upset."
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Because now she definitely has to tell him and she'd sort of been debating just accidentally on purpose forgetting about it. Maybe if she didn't say anything, he wouldn't ask.
Except he's totally asked.
"It's just... you know that date?" she asks, looking down at the sandwich he's made her. It looks kind of amazing, but suddenly she's not very hungry. "I think something went down with this dude she's been pining over for awhile."
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Derek chuckles a little and shrugs as he sits down on the sofa, watching her carefully. "Downsides of being friends with a werewolf, I guess."
Anyone else, he wouldn't have said anything. He would have politely pretended to not notice. But Kate isn't someone else, and he wants to make sure that she's okay.
What she says next definitely isn't what he was expecting, and he swallows hard, blinking a few times before his expression settles into something of a confused frown. "Oh."
He isn't quite sure how to feel. It's not like he'd had that much invested, but he was looking forward to it. He thought Kate might have been right in saying that it would be good for him. "Uh, okay. So, I guess it's off."
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"I totally did not expect this to happen," she continues. "I figured Danny was too much of a coward to do anything like, ever." And she'd been trying to help her friends, the both of them. "I'm sorry."
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Derek hadn't known that there was another person in the mix. If he had been aware that Mindy had feelings for someone else, he would have said no. He knows what it's like to want someone so bad that they're all you see, and he wouldn't have wanted to get into the middle of that.
He feels sort of inexplicably embarrassed and overexposed, like he stuck his soft underbelly out only to have it get clawed up. The sandwich in his lap looks a little less appetizing than before and he sits up to set the plate on the coffee table and rest his elbows on his knees, shoulders slightly hunched.
"If you knew more about my life, you'd see that this would be pretty much par for the course for my first attempt at dating," he says with a huff of laughter. He's trying to make a joke, but there's too much truth in it. But really, he should have expected this. It's like he forgot who he was for a minute.
"But it's okay. I'm sure she's better off," Derek says quietly, looking over at Jinx as she eats. The expression on his face goes carefully neutral as he slips the mask back on, the one he so often lets fall away around Kate. "It's not like I'm a catch or anything."
He doesn't say it to garner pity or sympathy, or anything like that. It's just the truth. He wouldn't be good for anyone, and he was foolish to think that he could have been successful at anything so completely normal.
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And then she reaches over and punches him on the shoulder. It's not light either, Kate might not be particularly big, but she can pack a pretty mean punch when she wants to and although she's sure he barely feels it because he's a werewolf or whatever, it's still not light.
"I don't know what the hell kind of ideas Stiles put into your head about you not being a catch or whoever else has said or done shit to make you think that, but fuck them." And she knows it's a risk, saying something like that about Stiles, but if Derek wants to get mad at her over it, he can. She'll go home right now and let him be mad at her as long as he doesn't also think it's okay for anyone to make him think he's not worth being with. "That's bullshit."
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Derek is stunned by the tone of her voice even before she punches him. The surprise of it is enough to have him rocking slightly to the side and he looks over at her with furrowed brows, expression the portrait of confusion as he reaches up to curl his hand around his shoulder.
"Ow," he says even though it didn't really hurt. He's so surprised and confused that he barely flinches at the mention of Stiles, though he does feel the need to defend him. "No, he-- Stiles didn't do anything."
Derek swallows hard and blinks a few times, head tilted curiously. He tries to see himself through Kate's eyes, but he just can't. All he is is this broken thing, made up of pieces too jagged to hold. He isn't good for anyone. How could he be? "I'm just-- I'm messed up."
It feels like a dumb thing to say, but true enough, and he doesn't know how else to explain it.
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Being messed up doesn't mean a person isn't still deserving of love.
"Also that bullshit about loving yourself before someone else can love you? Is just that. Bullshit. So you're messed up, big fucking deal. Find me one person who isn't. Anyone would be lucky to have you and someone who says otherwise is the stupidest fucking idiot in the world." She nods firmly, as if that closes the matter, and she knows it isn't that easy, but she's not going to sit here and listen to Derek say he's not good for someone either. She just won't do it.
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"Okay, shit. Calm down," Derek says with an uneasy chuckle that quickly dies off. He takes in everything that she's just told him, including the stuff about her mom. and reaches over to wrap his arm around her shoulders. "I get it, okay?"
Her speech isn't going to make Derek completely change his mind about everything, and he still feels a little like he's meant to be alone, but he hears her, and he tries to tell himself that she's right. He pulls her in closer and presses a kiss to her forehead before letting her go, smiling wryly at her. "Just-- next time you set me up, make sure that they actually want me, okay?"
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Not that she doesn't like Danny. Or maybe she doesn't. Mostly she thinks he's sort of weird and she doesn't get him like, at all. She'd been sure Mindy and Derek would at least have a fun date if nothing else. "It's his fault, his timing is the actual worst."
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He rubs her back and then pulls away, giving her a wry smile as he reaches out to pick up his sandwich again. He is grateful that she made the trip out here to tell him, and he bumps their shoulders together lightly before nodding at her plate. "Now eat your sandwich."
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"Yes, sir," she grumbles when he tells her to eat, but she's smiling a little. "I mean, I'm never going to say no to food." She's not exactly the type to lose her appetite for long.
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"Now I'll have to take you on a date," Derek says after a moment, leaning over to press their shoulders together. He and Kate hang out, but they've never really planned to do anything. And that's what friends do, right? Derek is still kind of learning/ "I bought a new shirt and everything, so Newt will just have to deal."
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"Which is to say, yeah, totally," she tells him. "We can do whatever. We can go for some fancy dinner and order the expensive desserts and shit like that."
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"Oh, so you're an expensive date," Derek replies, looking over at her with an amused expression. She's smiling, but her scent has gone a little bitter with sadness. Derek doesn't want her to feel bad. She tried to do a nice thing, something she thought would make him happy, and it isn't her fault that it didn't work out.
He sets his plate down on the table and then stretches out his back, laying his head in her lap like he would if he were in his other form. Maybe he does feel a little bummed out, but she'll make him feel better. He blinks his pale eyes up at her and smiles a little. "You can tell Newt I let you pet me."
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It's a good memory. All her dates with Newt are good memories.
"I will, it totally drives him nuts that I get to do that and you won't let him ride wolfy-back or whatever."
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He comes back over to sit down next to Kate, giving her a small smile. "Thanks for coming to tell me."
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It's actually sort of funny to say something like that and realize it's true. A few years ago it might not have been. It's not like she's ever been the most reliable person in the world, kind of flakey and fucking up all over the place, but she's not like that anymore. Not all the time anyway, not when it counts. Her friends are important to her, they're as close to family as she has now, and her family has always been her priority. She might give them shit, but any time anyone else does, she's right there protecting them.
Derek might not need her protection, but she's not just going to leave him without an explanation either.
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"Well, I appreciate that," Derek tells her, looking over at her fondly. Kate is good to him, and part of him instinctively considers her to be pack. It's a warm, comforting feeling and Derek slumps down onto the sofa next to her, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. "So, what have you got going on today? I found this swimming hole nearby if you want to check it out."
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A swimming hole sort of sounds like camping. "What about a swimming pool?" she suggests. "I would totally go there and get little drinks with umbrellas in them."
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"No swimming pools for me," Derek says, wrinkling his nose distastefully. "I can't stand the chlorine smell. It burns my nose."
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"Yeah, I guess that'd be kinda rough for your wolfy nose, huh?" she agrees, tilting her head. "I guess you and I are just fated to never swim together."
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He laughs and leans back against the sofa, settling in until their shoulders are pressed together. "I guess you're just destined to never see me doggy paddle."
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"That's fine, that can be your thing with Newt. You should definitely take him to a swimming hole, I bet he'd try to do experiments on the frogs and get them to turn into giant monsters or something."
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"I think maybe I'll ask Luke," Derek says with a laugh, because he isn't really able to imagine Newt in a swimming hole either. But Luke, he definitely can. Suddenly, Derek is looking forward to the prospect. It's been too long since they've gone running.
"But how is Newt doing?" Derek asks, expression going a bit serious. "After his run in with that vampire."
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"He's friends with Danny," she says after a moment, which is true enough. "But, yeah, Newt's okay. He was super disgruntled, but he's okay. I wish I could find some kind of... anti-vampire thing or something. I hate the idea that we can't just walk outside, not because we might get mugged, but because we might get chewed on."
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"Yeah, we're close," Derek says simply, without saying how or why. It definitely isn't his place to tell someone else that Luke is a wolf. But then Kate talks about the vampires and Derek's focus is shifted. He hates that his friends don't feel safe and there isn't much, aside from prowling the city streets at night, that he can do about it.
"Yeah. If only the whole garlic thing were true, huh?" He smiles wryly and then looks over at her with concern. "If you go out at night, try to stick to well-lit, populated areas. And I swear to god, if I catch Newt using another alley as a shortcut, I'll kick his ass myself."
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"Oh my god, if the garlic thing worked, I would rub it into his very pores," she says with a laugh. "I'd make him sweat garlic and I'd love him anyway even though he would smell terrible. It's totally not his fault, though, he was just walking home on the street. People and vampires who do shit like that are just assholes."
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Derek just laughs, because while he doesn't think about Luke in that way, he does have eyes. But then she jokes about the garlic, but Derek hears the real worry in her voice. It makes him bite his lip and frown thoughtfully, tilting his head and looking at her.
"Let me ask you something serious," Derek says, because he's been thinking about this a lot lately, but there's no perfect time to bring it up. Might as well do it now. "If you were to get hurt, like really hurt in a way you might not recover from, would you want me to give you the bite?"
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"So like, if I was dying, would I want you to turn me into a werewolf so that I wouldn't die?" she asks. "Uh, yeah. Who wants to die? I mean, as long as I don't get super hairy when I'm still just being me, then being a werewolf sounds pretty cool and way preferable to dying."
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He laughs softly and shakes his head, reaching out to pat her knee. "Well, I hope it'll never come to that, but I'm relieved. You'd be a handful as a wolf, so stay out of trouble."
A teasing smile graces his features and he squeezes her knee once before pulling his hand away. "I'll be sure to ask Newt too, though I have a feeling his answer might be the same."
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"But that's cool," she says. "That you'd do that for us."
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"Of course I would," Derek says easily. "I'd consider anyone who came asking for the bite."
Because to Derek, the bite is a gift rather than a last resort to keep from dying. He knows most humans feel that way, and it stings a little, but they don't understand. Just like he'll never understand what it's like to be completely human.
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She pauses, considering, then says, "I'd be the cutest werewolf. Even cuter than you, sorry to say. I bet I'd have the daintiest little wolf paws."
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"That's not what I meant," Derek tells her, rolling his eyes in fond exasperation and looking over at her when she nudges him. "If someone came to me and asked me, I'd consider it. Doesn't mean I'd say yes, but I'd think about it. It's... hard, not having a pack."
It's a testament to how much he trusts Kate that he would even admit that, and he just swallows hard and scrubs his hand through his hair. "But no, what I asked you-- I wouldn't ask that of just anyone."
He snorts and looks over at her with an eyebrow raised. "While I don't doubt that you'd be adorable, I highly doubt that you'd be able to shift fully like I do. It's pretty rare."
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"Yeah," she says. "It must be."
But then her smile widen and she snorts. "Says your world, bro. Darrow rules are probably different."
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"I think of you and Newt as pack," Derek says before he thinks better of it. "It's not the same, obviously. But you're important. You're as close to pack as I can be."
He breaks up the serious moment with a laugh and then knocks their shoulders together. "If anyone could shift into a dainty little wolf out of pure spite, I'm sure it would be you."
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"So does that make me like, your wolfy little sister?" she asks, but she's still giving him that same soft smile.
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A quiet laugh escapes him, and he bites his lip before reaching forward to grab his wallet from the table. He flips it open and pulls out a small photo of he and Laura, one of her friends in New York took of them. Laura is smiling and Derek looks kind of annoyed, but he has his arm around her waist. The picture is obviously worn, and Derek swallows hard as he holds it out to Kate. He's never shown it to anyone before, because it's sort of his most prized possession. There are so many times he's been overwhelmed with gratitude that he had his wallet on him when he was brought to Darrow. "This is her. The two of you would have ganged up on me and made my life a living hell."
But going by the emotion in his voice, it's clear that he wouldn't have minded.
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"Bet your ass we would," she agrees. "Because that's sort of what I do."
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"She had the most annoying laugh. It was so loud," Derek tells her, and he's a little surprised to feel his eyes start to burn. He blinks and takes a breath and the sensation goes away, and he manages a small smile when he looks over at Kate again. "I don't talk bout her very much. Or any of them. They deserve to be remembered by more than just me, but-- it's hard."
He tucks the photo back into his wallet carefully and shrugs. "When I was young again, it was like all my memories were refreshed. Things had forgotten are back. Stupid little things. And I'm kind of glad, you know? The city gave me something, even if they were assholes in the way that they went about it."
Maybe Kate is pack. Derek feels a bond with her, if he can tell her all this. It's been a long time since he's had someone who would just sit there and listen, and even longer since he was willing to talk.
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But she doesn't talk about that. Not even with the people who had been there for it.
"It's like you said, they deserve to be remembered. People who didn't know them should know them. At least what they look like and that your sister had the most annoying laugh," she says, flashing him a grin. "Now I know it."
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He relaxes back against the sofa for awhile, looking over at the bright afternoon sun filtering in through the window. They've talked about a lot this afternoon, and Derek feels sort of mentally exhausted. He looks over at Kate and reaches out to pat her knee. "How about I walk you back into town, huh? We could grab some ice cream."
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