triskehale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
triskehale) wrote2015-10-28 09:51 am
triskehale) wrote2015-10-28 09:51 am
Entry tags:
dust to dust (dated 10/27, closed to neil and bitty)
It's about time that Bitty finds out that Derek is a werewolf.
Derek doesn't really know why he's waited so long. Maybe it's because he enjoys Bitty's company and from what he can tell, there is nothing about the supernatural world that is real where Bitty's from. He just doesn't want to scare Bitty off, but it's starting to reach the point where it feels dishonest, and Derek would much rather be able to be himself.
So that's why he's asked Bitty to meet him in the park, and why he's asked Neil to come along. He knows that Neil and Bitty are acquainted, and Neil has always been so accepting of what Derek is. He likes it, even. He hopes that having Neil there might soften the blow, and if Bitty does freak out and take off, Derek won't be alone.
"There he is," Derek says, nudging Neil's arm before pointing at Bitty. He's sitting at a picnic table a few dozen feet away and Derek lifts his hand in greeting. He takes a few steps away from Neil and suddenly stops. There's a noise like feedback in his ear and he blinks as the ground seems to fall out from underneath him.
One second, Derek is there. The next, he's completely vanished.
Derek opens his eyes in a bit of a panic, letting his gaze dart around. He's still in the park, still in Darrow, but everything is different. The sky is gloomy and dark and everything smells like ash. The scent burns his nostrils, distressingly familiar as it is, and his heart leaps into his throat.
"Neil?" He calls out, turning in a circle even though he's obviously alone. "Bitty? Fuck."
Derek doesn't really know why he's waited so long. Maybe it's because he enjoys Bitty's company and from what he can tell, there is nothing about the supernatural world that is real where Bitty's from. He just doesn't want to scare Bitty off, but it's starting to reach the point where it feels dishonest, and Derek would much rather be able to be himself.
So that's why he's asked Bitty to meet him in the park, and why he's asked Neil to come along. He knows that Neil and Bitty are acquainted, and Neil has always been so accepting of what Derek is. He likes it, even. He hopes that having Neil there might soften the blow, and if Bitty does freak out and take off, Derek won't be alone.
"There he is," Derek says, nudging Neil's arm before pointing at Bitty. He's sitting at a picnic table a few dozen feet away and Derek lifts his hand in greeting. He takes a few steps away from Neil and suddenly stops. There's a noise like feedback in his ear and he blinks as the ground seems to fall out from underneath him.
One second, Derek is there. The next, he's completely vanished.
Derek opens his eyes in a bit of a panic, letting his gaze dart around. He's still in the park, still in Darrow, but everything is different. The sky is gloomy and dark and everything smells like ash. The scent burns his nostrils, distressingly familiar as it is, and his heart leaps into his throat.
"Neil?" He calls out, turning in a circle even though he's obviously alone. "Bitty? Fuck."
no subject
"It's okay," I said, stepping forward and holding out a hand to Derek. The kid just stood there. He didn't look surprised at all, really. So either he was in shock, or he'd figured out Derek's secret a while ago. I didn't really care either way. "Come on."
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Bitty doesn't even look afraid of him, and Derek frowns in confusion as they both move forward. Bitty mentions that he's hurt, but Derek ignores it. Neil's right; it will heal.
"I was going to tell you," Derek explains, looking from Bitty to Neil and back again. "That's why I asked you to meet me today. I was going to tell you that I'm a werewolf."
Neil reaches for him and Derek takes a step forward, brushing their shoulders together for the contact while he cocks his head slightly at Bitty, brows furrowed. "Did someone already tell you?"
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And I can't help feeling that way. I've been meaning to tell him for weeks and I know I should've by now. It'd be so easy to lie and say that Noah told me, to go on pretending that I don't know all that I do. But there's no way the guilt wouldn't eat me up even more and the last thing I want is to go any longer without being honest.
This is not the best time and place, I know. If he's angry enough to leave me out here I don't know what I'll do. And it'd be even worse if he lets his honor and goodness override his anger just to keep me alive.
But I can't lie anymore. I can't.
"No one told me," I say, shaking my head, my hands drawn up tight against my chest. It's been a long time since I've really felt as small as I know I am. "No one had to. I've... I've known for a long time. Since I met you. Since before I met you, actually. You, uhm. There's a show I used to watch a lot back home and you're, uh. You're on it."
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But I'd heard of that sort of thing happening before. I'd met superheroes. Demons. Angels. But it hadn't really occurred to me that something like that might apply to Derek, which in hindsight, was pretty fucking stupid. He was a goddamn werewolf, after all.
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Bitty is all anxious and wound tight, but he doesn't seem to be afraid. Not of Derek, at least. Derek assumes that someone must have told Bitty what he was, considering how many people in the city know. What he isn't expecting at all is exactly what he gets.
A TV show. Bitty isn't lying and Derek sort of staggers backwards in shock. Neil reaches out to grab him and Derek lets out a breath, staring at Bitty in shock and confusion. It's not like the idea itself is what's so shocking. Derek is friends with Tolkien characters, after all. Harry fucking Potter is here. Superheroes roam the city, so it's not like Derek doesn't know that it's possible. He just never assumed that he would be the fictional one. Who the fuck would want to watch his life story unfold?
That thought makes Derek freeze, because he suddenly has no idea just how much Bitty knows about him. Derek likes to keep parts of himself hidden, and keep his past to himself. There are only a very select few in the city who knows what he's been through. Them-- and now Bitty, apparently.
"So-- you know everything about me," Derek gets out, looking absolutely stricken by the thought. "All this time I thought we were getting to know each other, but you already know all of my goddamn secrets."
He has no idea how to react to this, and he doesn't need it. Not now, not when they're stuck in some fucked up bizzaro Darrow and there's still monster blood congealing on his fingertips.
no subject
"Not-- not all of them," I offer weakly, my own voice catching. I wish the ground would just swallow me up right now, I wish I could go back in time and tell Derek earlier, I wish I could turn around and back to a park that's sunny and bright and monster-free. I wish so, so much.
Mostly I wish Derek wasn't looking at me like that, but I know it's what I deserve.
"I only know what was aired. It wasn't-- I mean, it's not like I saw every moment of your life from the day you were born. I know a lot of things, probably a lot you'd rather I didn't, but there's no way I could know everything. Derek, I swear I was going to tell you," I insist, not masking the pleading tone of my voice now. "I've been meaning to for weeks and weeks, but I didn't know how. There are a lot of people here I've seen before in movies and stories and TV shows and, for awhile I sorta figured it was just all in my head. The day we met, out on the beach, that's-- I thought you were just part of a coma dream."
I don't mention that it's the only way it made sense to me. I mean, why else would Derek Hale of all people want to talk to me? It's not like that could possibly help right now.
"It wasn't 'til a month or so ago I really sorta came to terms with things. Like this whole alternate dimension stuff. I know I should've said something then. I know. I'm-- Derek, I'm so, so sorry. Please. Please don't hate me."
It's only when I try to swallow that I realize how badly I'm tearing up, the guilt and shame and terror just all wound up inside me. Shaking, I swipe a hand over my eyes and add, "And please don't leave me to here. I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you did. You must feel so, so betrayed, but I have no idea where we are anymore and if another one of those things pops up, there isn't a chance I'll know what to do on my own."
no subject
I felt sick, because I knew exactly what it was like to meet someone new, to think you had control over how quickly they got to know you, to think you had control over your own secrets and your own life, only to find out that it was all some big fucking joke. I felt sick, and angry, and so goddamn tired, because we never, ever stopped being fucked with. It was never going to stop.
"Can we get off the street, please?" I said sharply, "Then you can have your fucking tearful heart to heart."
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Neil's sharp tone makes Derek blink, and he thinks he understands the bitter sting of anger coming from him. He's protective of Derek, sure, but he also knows how this feels.
"I'm not going to leave you," Derek says, sounding irritated and hurt all at once. He nods at Neil's suggestion and then scrubs his hands over his face as he looks around. "This place looks like Darrow, and it the layout's the same, Dimera is closest. Come on."
He starts stomping his way across the park, boots flattening the dead, useless earth that used to hold lush green grass. He has no idea what's going on and he just had his world rocked on its axis, but the sad thing is that he's sort of used to that particular sensation. His mouth flattens into a thin line and he furrows his brow, cocking his head and pausing whenever he hears a noise, holding his hand out to stop Neil and Bitty before he deigns it safe and gestures forward again.
It takes them awhile, but they get to Dimera without incident. He clears his throat and then opens the lobby door, shoulders drawing up as he hears that slick, slithering noise again. "Get inside. Now."
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I keep my mouth shut though, swallowing tightly as I nod, glancing briefly over at Neil who looks more angry than hurt before ducking to look down at my feet. The ground is completely covered in a layer of ash. It almost looks like snow. And I follow them, staying half a step behind the whole way, guilt and fear making a complete mess of my insides.
When we get to the apartment building, I hurry inside, fear spiking at both the noise we hear and the pitch of Derek's voice. My heart is pounding, a million beats a minute and I grimace.
"The elevator's broken," I tell them both, my voice little more than a whisper. I'm honestly not sure I'd want to risk stepping into an elevator here anyway.
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The stairwell was pitch black and I was hit immediately with the heavy smell of damp and still air. I glanced over my shoulder at Derek, because I knew he'd one to go through first.
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It's slow going, and while they move it gives Derek time to think. The guilt and fear rolling off of Bitty sits thick in Derek's nose, and it makes his mouth twist. Derek has felt betrayal, time and time again, and this doesn't feel like that. Derek knows people that were fictional back where he's from, and he hasn't told them. How is that any different?
He isn't angry at Bitty. Maybe it's because he's too freaked out by this place they've found themselves in, or his world has been rocked too hard by the knowledge that in some other world, people watched his life unfold. He doesn't know. But he knows that Bitty meant him no harm. It's just a shitty situation.
"All that time I wasted pretending to be human," Derek finally says, but he doesn't sound angry. He sounds almost amused, despite everything. "I totally could have saved that pie that slid off of the counter."
It's his way of telling Bitty that it will be okay for now, and not to worry about that. There are far bigger things to worry about now, anyway. They make it to the top of the stairs and Derek checks the hallway before urging them forward. He touches Neil's shoulder as he passes and then Bitty's, squeezing a little before letting go and bringing up the rear. Once they reach Neil's apartment, he takes the keys and opens the door, looking around with red eyes to make sure it's clear before letting them in and locking the door.
no subject
At the top of the first flighty, Derek turns back and I feel my stomach plummet again for a second when he looks at me. His tone doesn't sound angry though, almost sounds teasing when he mentions the pie I'd accidentally knocked off the counter at Semele's last week.
Still, it's only when he squeezes my shoulder as I pass him that I feel some of my anxiety settle. He still has every right to be angry, of course, but the idea that he might be able to forgive me is an enormous relief. Especially since there's no way I'm going to be able to leave his side for awhile. Not with things like this.
I've never been to Neil's apartment before, but I follow them to what must be the door, scurrying inside once it's unlocked and then immediately letting out a breath.
At least until I see something move out the corner of my eye.
no subject
Over the desk, I'd hung a cork board, and on it, I'd tacked pictures. Ticket stubs. Things cut from magazines. It was all still there, but the faces in the pictures were eerily blurred. There was one of Derek, sitting outside The Bite. I'd snapped with my cell phone and printed on a shitty library printer, but it was faded and almost unrecognizable.
Nothing about the place seemed real or like it was mine. I kept thinking I saw things move, but only when I wasn't looking directly at them. Maybe the shadows themselves were alive.