the wolves all cry

For all that Derek has been alone, he hates being lonely. For all that he's gone untouched, he misses a comforting embrace. No amount of time makes either of these untrue. Derek is a pack animal, raised by a large, tactile family. He was rarely alone unless he specifically chose to be so, and there wasn't a day that passed where he wasn't shown physical affection in some way, be it a hug or a shoulder clap or a hair tousle. It just wasn't their way.

After the fire, when it was just he and Laura, they touched a lot. They huddled on motel beds and sprawled all over each other on their couch in their small apartment in New York. Sometimes it felt like they were trying to fill the void left by their entire family, combating phantom hands on their skin, scents in their nostrils. But then Laura too was gone, and the only physical contact Derek ever got took on a negative, painful quality that carved him out and left him hollow inside.

For months, he went untouched by a kind hand and the wolf in him despaired, cold and alone. Even when he made a new pack, they didn't understand. They weren't born wolves, desperate for contact, and Derek never felt like he could ask for it.

It's easier now, here with Stiles. They touch, even lay together sometimes, but Stiles doesn't really dole out physical affection freely and most often, Derek is too cowardly to ask for it.

He's alone now. Stiles is at work and Derek doesn't have to be at his new job for hours yet. He can't get Laura off of his mind after his conversation with Stiles, not that she's ever far from it, and the wolf is sorrowful, restless and cold.

He's climbing the stairs towards Hayley's floor without really remembering making the decision to do so, but she's a born wolf. She isn't the same as him, but close. Maybe she'll understand. She isn't pack, and Derek doesn't think that he'll ever see her as such, but she's a definite ally. They would fight for each other, Derek is sure, and that means a lot to him.

With Stiles unavailable, maybe being near another friendly born wolf will soothe him, even if they don't touch. They're similar, he and Hayley, and he breathes in her scent as he knocks on her door.

Derek has always had trouble sleeping since the fire. He wasn't even there when it happened, but sometimes when he closes his eyes at night he feels like he was. Phantom memories haunt him, and on these nights, he can't sleep.

He lays in bed and tunes into his senses, listening for Stiles' heartbeat above him. It's calm and steady, slow with sleep, so Derek rolls out of bed and pulls on his clothes. Maybe if he puts in some face time with the waning moon, he'll get some rest.

The fire escape is just quicker and more convenient than the door so he sneaks down it quietly, careful not to wake any of his neighbors. He jumps off of it when the ladder is still ten feet off of the ground and lands in a crouch, boots thudding against the concrete.

He heads for the outskirts of town, near where the city proper gives way to suburbs and forest. He walks along the treeline, darting in and out of the forest and peering up at the moon. His leisurely pace would be considered brisk for any human, but he enjoys it. If he goes deep enough into the forest and closes his eyes, he can almost pretend he's back home on the preserve.

He shifts into beta form and runs for awhile, letting his senses and instincts take over for a bit. He feels better by the time he makes it back to the treeline, a little lighter on his feet, muscles not as tense.

He's nearly back to his building when he catches a scent on the air. It's wolf-like, closer to familiar than Lucian's was. It's still not a wolf from his world, but closer. He takes a breath and calms himself, turning towards it as it approaches. A girl just a bit younger than him comes into view and he lets his eyes flash alpha red, just for show. He's really not up for a fight, and hopes she isn't either.

He stands up straight and rolls his shoulders back as he watches her. "Following me home?"